hi xxxxx,

i read ur msg lastnite before going to bed and for unknown reason, i was overwhelmed heheh *perhaps pregnancy hormone*

its so considerate of you to arrange the baby shower, but i really dont want one, not being modest, just dont want one :)

im struggling on many things now and i dont hv my mind on the shower at all and i really dont think its fair for u guys *sigh

i admit ive been stressing on many things during the pregnancy and i do excusing myself from having it just because i read that it is normal. but at the end of the day when i read god's words i always feel guilty from having the pregnancy syndromes and sometimes it stressing me evenmore. im sharing this with you not because u're soon getting pregnant ; but i hope it doesnt happen to u (prepare urself from now!)

being pregnant, i just realized that im the kind that not easy to let go and let God. i found that im not as flexible as i thought. i thought can go to the shop, doing my daily things but more relax - but when im at work i cannot stop myself from doing everything including moving heavy things around (because i *think* im strong enough), walking (sometimes running) around serving the customers,etc but then i regret it when the bleeding happened (twice). ive been trying to help mike from home but i keep stressing and quarelling with mike over things because i was frustated i cannot go to the shop or able doing it myself. i want it done my way and mike wants to do it other way.

because i used to work (and make money), im now feeling very very moody everytime i talk to friends whom busy working, or pregnant but still working, or anything reminds me that im a housewife --* im stressing because i dont know how long this will going on. i want to be happy, really i dooooo... i wanna be happy because having child is a happy thing, rite? heheheh...

thanks to weddingku.com, they hv this forum for pregnant ladies and i found a group of friends from around java (there"re 9 of us) with the same age of pregnancy. basically we share everything bout life at the moment. 3 of them are having babies already (c-section after giving up on the contraction pain), and they're having baby blues and it really freaks me out -.-* they complains on the c-section blues (the pain, the guilty feeling) and hurt boobies and the sleep deprived.

okay enough said. u got my point. i dont want the baby shower, thanks. haha:p hope i dont scare u!